Big Baller Buddha
My most common phrase as a toddler was “I do it myself!” See, I was a stubborn little guy who had to do things his way, on his time. When I was 4 years old, my mom signed me up for an indoor soccer team without my approval. We fought the whole car ride to the first game! I eventually refused to lace 'em up, and I quit the team on the spot. Ironically, if you were to fast forward to 20 years later, you’d find me chasing my professional footy dream in Sweden, with my whole life revolving around the game of soccer. The main difference between the experiences was autonomy.
See, there are five overall basic fears that plague us at any given time. Almost all of our fears can be traced back to the “roots” of the Big 5. (If you want to read more about all of them, click here.) One lesson I really appreciated from my Health & Life coaching certification was about unpacking fear and why we get stuck in inaction!
The big 5 fears:
Extinction
Mutilation
Loss of Autonomy
Separation
Ego Death
The fear that is deeply ingrained in my bones is the loss of autonomy. This manifests differently for everyone, but for me, it often shows up around commitment. I find myself feeling like I don’t have a way out or that somehow my choices are irreversible. This fear is what has made decisions like where to go to college or what career to choose so difficult and heavy. The fear of my loss of autonomy also has me tripping over more basic everyday decisions and plans too, most recently regarding my business.
Here’s the thing: walking the line between commitment and escaping has you idling in no-man's land and gets you nowhere. This is what analysis paralysis is. This is why we end up passively going through life (for entire decades, even lifetimes for some people.) We don’t take action, we don’t commit, and we never follow through on our ambitions.
To counter this stagnation for myself, I personally tap into my inner basketball playing Buddha. He’s definitely more known for his wisdom than his jumper, but he always comes up with the goods.
Firstly, let’s define good ol’ fear: An anxious feeling, caused by our anticipation of some imagined event or experience. Fear doesn’t exist in the here and now; it only exists in the "petri dish" of the future. Fear is really just the anticipation of something unwanted happening. With that, Buddha would advise us to contemplate taking the next step using only the present information. When it comes to commitment, I hate the feeling of taking a step knowing that there may be a better one, but how often does the “better step” only become clear once you have committed and started the journey?
We can’t always see the “best” solution or decision from where we are currently, but it’s rare to take steps we cannot undo or that we don’t learn from. There are few decisions in life that don’t have an “escape” or route out. Even if Buddha has picked up his dribble and is being double-teamed, he's cool, calm, and collected, knowing he can pivot.
Some of the greatest joys in life arise from things that require commitment. Great commitment takes great faith, and great faith takes trust that it’s all going to be okay in the end. When we look back at our lives already, it appears like everything happened with beautiful design and timing. Without committing, we will never know where something may go or how beautiful something may grow.
Sometimes we gotta take shots in the dark, and other times the path is clear.
So trust that the Big Baller Buddha has the cure for fear
Please remember that you don’t have to take any journey alone. If you're looking for support stepping into the happiest and healthiest version of yourself, call a coach!
We really are all about that action.
